If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Randomize
