He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
