He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
