Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
