what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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