I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
