I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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