dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
