Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
