White coat. Heels.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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