Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
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He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
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I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
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