As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
