She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
