I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
