Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
