our cab driver is having phone sex.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
