proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
