remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
