i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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