New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
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