Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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