Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize
