I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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