Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
