Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Randomize
