you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
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