i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I can't put those talents on a resume
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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