Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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