My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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