i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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