we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Pants are for mortals
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
