Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
