Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
