Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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