i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
