Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
