Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
You have to summon your inner elephant
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
