i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
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There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
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I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize