Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
My cat gives me a boner
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
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