Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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