I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
