jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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