my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
