my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
