At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
