goodnight i made you a song goodbye
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
