I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
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