if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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