You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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