I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
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