You smell like a Billy Joel song
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
