I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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