I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
