Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
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