I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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