just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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