mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
