Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Randomize
