totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
