I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Randomize
