sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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