i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
