How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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