Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
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