Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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