I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
