what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize