Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
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