I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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