Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
