Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Randomize
