Your face is a jimmy john
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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