Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
