Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Randomize
