I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
