I heard we made out
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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